Mayhem Reigns

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all 46 excuses on my friends wall, 

1. i was just really, really early for tomorrow

2. we can’t all be usain bolt

3. in this day and age, we shouldn’t need labels like “late”

4. i had pe first period do you blame me

5. i really, really didn’t want to sing

6. my brother thought it would be hilarious to drop me outside the prison gates

7. you can’t tell me how to live my life

8. #YOLO

9. my legs fell off and i had to roll all the way to the emergency clinic

10. there was a freak yachting accident

11. i am a fucking retard

12. this is just for my wall

13. do you even read these

14. “it does not matter how slow you go, so long as you do not stop

15. i spent my entire night writing tom daley fanfiction

16. my father left my mother for an air hostess seven years ago do you expect me to get over that emotional trauma overnight

17. sarah palin and i got into a twitter war and i couldn’t leave and let her win

18. traffic jammy jammy jam

19. how can i go to school when alex turner

20. my sim was having an emotional meltdown and i needed to be there for her

21. i was sticking it to the man

22. i spent my entire night worrying if i would ever lose my virginity 

23. fifty shades of late; i was walking and then i caught the eye of an attractive member of the opposite sex and we began exchanging significant looks and i knew we would one day make sweet love so i just walked alongside him and tried to catch his eye and to be continued

24. part two he was playing hard to get so we walked and walked and he had the perfect hair colour it was sort of beige brown anyway it turned out he was walking to a bus stop so obviously i had to catch the bus because true love and silently we rode out to papakura and into the sunset

25. my meth lab caught fire

26. my bed is more comfortable than your school will ever be

27. i was sad

28. it was a nice day, so i walked leisurely

29. i had beat my younger brother for saying “swag”

30. i had to travel back to the 1950’s to ensure my birth

31. 2 kool 4 scool

32. i had to stop, collaborate and listen

33. i tried

34. i’m sorry i’m late

      it’s not my fault

      my auntie was killed

      and i joined a cult

35. a haiku about lateness:

late late late late late

late late late late late late late

 late late late late late

36. my best friend was telling me how to give a satisfactory blow job i wish i was joking

37. i was fashionably late

38. i was caught in a flash mob true story omfg

39. i did not choose the late life, the late life chose me

40. do

41. you

42. even

43. read

44. these

45. i was fighting al qaeda

46. traffic


the post that doesn’t age

(Source: artvevo, via assassinslover)

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When someone comes banging on my homes door at 11:43 at night and when I do not answer, continues banging, then attempts to walk into my house only to discover that the door is locked. And then they bang on the door some more. And i grumble about it being annoying and THEN when someone let’s them in this Fucker has the god damn balls to DEMAND I apologize for calling them annoying.


Go fuck yourself.

Who the fuck tries to walk into someone’s house without a god damn invitation??

Filed under seriously this is some bullshit people suck grr argh

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friendly reminder that when the actor who played khal drogo met the actress who plays daenerys he shouted “WIFEY!” and tackled her

Also reminder that during one of the sex scenes they were supposed to film, he came on with a sock puppet on his dick and Emilia Clarke was laughing so hard they had to take a ten minute break. 

​My life is
INFINITELY better knowing those tidbits of information

at the Q&A panel I went to with him he said before every sex scene with her he would go “I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY” before getting into character and going at it

these two are everything

(via i-caught-fire)

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Some days I’m all “someone please just touch my damn vagina it misses human contact!!”

Other days I’m all “what do I even have one of these for? This is not what I signed up for. I’d like a refund”

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I want to tell you I miss you,
And have you say it back.
I want you to tell me it will be OK,
And for once actually have it be OK.
I want everything I’m losing,
Buy none of why I left.

We’ve been through enough,
It needs to stop.
Why couldn’t we be who we were
Before all the heartbreak?
Why isn’t love ever enough?

We both made mistakes and I left
Because it was all too much.
The irony is that the leaving
Will be the thing that ends up
Killing me.

I know you don’t believe me
But I truly believed in us for so long.
I believed even when it felt like
I was the only one.

Filed under love heart broken poem